in the meantime

Life has been good in the meantime. Though I'm fairly good at battling it with unrealistic expectations and cynicism. It is hard to back down and crawl out of the downward spiral. So easy to sink into, so much work to get out of.

I've met some cool people in the last two weeks. I've had some very good times. Many moments felt like I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't figured out how to get there yet. At least not all the time.

Hmm. It seems funny to me that my reporting on good things feels a lot more depressing than my previous rationalizations of despair. Wait, That's not funny. Tee. Hee.

I had a great first week of august, I was working with 5 swell young people who came in town to run VBS at church. It was fun to hang with some new people and feel at home. I find it a little suspicious that they travel under assumed names(Honeybear, Buttercup, Frankie, Harpo, and Derby). It was nice to feel like part of a 'gang' if only for a week. I was their tourguide of sorts. We volunteered at the children's museum downtown, which was fun. There were many nice people there as well. It was nice to re-realize that I am quite capable of making friends. I even felt like I clicked. It is a good feeling. I hope I can stay connected. (I'm tempted to be pessimistic rather than get my hopes up about keeping connected with people. Fight the urge, dave!)

I got to visit Ian and Nicole in Seattle, which was great. Perspective comes from chatting with old friends after spending time apart. I like to talk science, ethics, relationships, music, philosophy until the wee hours. The cider was tasty, too.

Also, I was thinking today. The fewer people I attempt to connect with the more likely I will experience nothing but rejection. I need to play the numbers, so to speak. If I only have the guts to put myself 'out there' lets say once every two months. then the result of that interaction takes on mythical proportions. On the other hand, if I introduced myself to at least one person every day, I would reasonably expect to only hear from a handful of them and maybe only to become friends with a few of them. But I would become used to doing the hard part: the first step, and also become somewhat used to not hearing from some of the people. Its a theory. We'll see if I bother to test it.